Waking up

I wake up and saw all my brother eyes are swollen, tears keep on forming from their eyes, hands that keep on clutching my hand,

They are all shaking and keep shouting my name, calling doctors and nurse, the miracle occurred, they seem relieve

I smile at them, yet I don’t feel the happiness in it.

They keep apologize on their mistakes and will remake of what they have done, I just nodded and feeling tired, I excuse myself to go to sleep.

Every one hour, each of them will wake me, worried face shown when I didn’t wake up, frantically will called others.

I just smile weakly.

After a week, i have been discharged from the care of the hospitals,

They walk together beside me and asking me if I want anything or eating anything.

I just smile “I already got what I want”, saying those cheesy line.

All my action will be in their eyes, eyeing my situation, what I do, what I done and this and that, and I need to report my daily routine to them.

I feel annoying but just follow with their play.

One day,

I woke up in the middle of night, feeling the urge to go to the toilet, I walk out from the room, tip toe my footsteps.

I look at my brother, the second youngest wake up, “Where’re you going?” rubbing his eyes and smile at me.

“Toilet break”, I said and smile.

“Can I follow you?”

“Sure, my brother”

The uncomfortable pressure they send at me, surely make my body ache,

“Aren’t you tired? You should sleep, it’s pretty late, you have big event don’t you?”

Trying my luck to send him off, he have big event tomorrow, so he should take a break and need to prepare.

“It’s OK”

I know, they didn’t sleep at all, ever since I try to suicide myself with overdosing myself with sleeping pills.

I looked up at my ceiling bathroom and I remember during my childhood, I always hide at my attics whenever I felt hurt.

Attention was my priority but now, none of that matter to me.

I just want to end my suffer

“Are you done? I need to pee”

“Almost”

I unlocked my bathroom door and there, he is looking worried and smiling at me.

“Nee… could you stop this?”

“Stop doing what?”

“I don’t need it anymore, you understand don’t you?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“It’s easy, I just want to end my life, bye”, I push him and run as fast as I could.

“HE ESCAPED!”

All in the house wake up and instance and start chasing after me, yet I could not break free from them.

Always lose, always the least, always the unwanted.

“Why would you do that? “

“Why? Have we hurt you again?”

I laughed

I could not stop until, tears fall from my eyes.

“I need those, was, now, those aren’t matter for me anymore, just stop please, I have enough”

“We could try, it’s not impossible, we could…”

“Hurt me, over and over again”

Everyone, stay silence and stop their breath as I show pistol of 45 caliber that been refilled by me.

“Thank you”

I pulled out the trigger and pressed on my head.

Blood splatter everywhere, screaming and crying could be hurt from one particular house.

thank you for reading thoo~~~